Land Before Time 14: Copyright is Stupid
by StupidSequel
Summary: Littlefoot reaches puberty and changes his name to Bigfoot, but a certain North American ape creature with huge feet is unamused and forces him to change his name or else he can sue for copyright infringement. Compare to Tikki Tikki Tembo.


**Land Before Time 14: Copyright is Stupid**

(I do not really believe that copyright is stupid. It is a valuable tool to protect originality. As for the actual series, I have seen the installments a really long time ago, but I'm not sure I remember which ones I've seen, so it's almost like I haven't seen them. A terminal case of sequelitis indeed if I have to call this number 14.).

It was Littlefoot's 13th birthday. He realized with a pang that he was no longer a little boy any longer any more. All the school bullies would be out to get him to pick on him because despite being bigger physically, he was still called 'Littlefoot.' His voice was starting to crack. That's more than I can say about a certain 29 year old male friend I know.

"You're not really gonna go thru with it, are you?" Petri asked in a worried tone. "Cuz then we'd have to get used to just one more thing, and God, I hate change."

"I've made up my mind," Littlefoot continued. "I'm going to become bully proof by changing my name to Bigfoot." The dino clique sang a little musical number about how he was gonna change his name to Bigfoot.

A while later...

"Littlefoot, your name is now officially changed to Bigfoot," the court judge announced. The newly named Bigfoot was grinning scalp edge to scalp edge. He enjoyed his new name while his 'friends' wanted him to change it back because that's what they had known him as for the past 13 movies.

In an effort to try to forget their differences, Bigfoot and his dino clique all hung out at the mall. A Hot Topic had opened up. Bigfoot had bought a Rihanna shirt and paid for it with his credit card that he used so frivolously that, assuming he paid about 20% more than the required monthly fees when paying back the loans, would take almost 400 years! And the more he thought about it, the more he loved spending all his nearly infinite money because he knew he'd be dead long before having to pay it all back. It's like a Bell curve effect, when you have less money on your card and paying it back is a fairly simple matter, and then more loans would be more troublesome, and then there comes a point when it's so much you never have to worry about paying it all back before biting the dust.

"Hahaha! That's a girl shirt!" Ducky teased. Bigfoot narrowed his eyes. One of Linkin Park's older, metal style songs just came on the ceiling speakers.

"Oh my God, I am in love with this song! I am so getting all of Linkin Park's CD's!" Bigfoot boasted, ignoring Ducky's tease. He walked around the mall with his friends, proudly wearing his Rihanna shirt, flaunting his curves, just like a conceited girl might. He was getting strange looks. He went to the music store and bought all of Linkin Park's CD's, using his credit card yet again. He played them on his portable CD player, one after another.

"Dude, no one uses those trash things anymore, we use MP3 players and iPods now! I bet that thing is as big as the suffix of your name!" A buff looking triceratops sneered.

"You're forgetting one thing: it's the Land Before Time, so I can use whatever I want, no matter how primitive! In fact, I have an Atari 2600 at home, yet I know Nintendo just came out with the 3DS!" Bigfoot pointed out. He sure showed them!

"Nice burn!" Sarah encouraged. The triceratops walked off in defeat.

When Bigfoot got home to his den, he was greeted by a court summons for copyright infringement. "Who's playing a prank on me?" he demanded. No one spake. Not surprising because he was the only one home. He slept by the grave of his mother because he liked to dream about her while listening to his Linkin Park CD's.

The next day Bigfoot came to court wearing his white A-shirt. Anything to avoid that blasphemous Rihanna shirt that would make him appear less than manly. When he remembered that court was not a place where people pick fights, he remembered that he could have worn his Rihanna shirt instead of his A-shirt. _Stupid me! They do that at bars! _He felt somewhat self conscious in his A-shirt because he possibly looked fat in it. A huge, furry ape looking creature with huge feet walked to the other side of the court room with his probably trusty lawyer. A wooly mammoth took a heavy step in the jury. He did not look like he thought jury duty was enjoyable. He didn't smell like it either.

"Do you know who I am? I am Bigfoot, the guy whose name you stole! CHANGE YOUR NAME OR ELSE! BIGFOOT IS **MY** NAME!" the creature roared. The judge cleared her throat.

"Littlefoot-" she began.

"It's BIGFOOT now," Little/Bigfoot interrupted. "Why should I have to change my stupid name? I'm pretty sure, last time I checked, that names are NOT copyrighted! I want to still be called Bigfoot."

"You see, last names haven't been invented yet, so in order to avoid confusion, you must change your name or else legally he can sue you for copyright infringement," the judge continued. Little/Bigfoot sighed.

"Fine. Since I no longer wanna be called 'Littlefoot' I think my new name is..."

Scene change

"Squigglejewlok? That's your new name?" Petri nearly gagged at the strange sounding name.

"I had to change my name or else Sasquatch/Bigfoot could legally sue me for the copyright to his name. Copyright is stupid! I'm gonna have to do something. Let's go back to Hot Topic to see if they have any anti-government shirts!"

Back to the mall they went, Squigglejewlok and his dino clique. SJ (what I'm calling him to save finger energy) was wearing his A-shirt and listening to his Linkin Park CD's on his CD player, being thankful that they did not have auto-tuned voices that sing random lyrics taped together, calling it a song, and set to a techno instrumental. While they were at Hot Topic, SJ was busily searching for an anti-government shirt, but he found none. SJ sighed.

"I can't find the shirt I'm looking for. Guess I'm gonna go in the corner and be more emo now." SJ pouted.

"I just remembered, this mall has a roller coaster. Let's go ride it," Duckie declared.

"Yeah!" everyone cheered in unison. They headed out of Hot Topic and headed past the food court, over to where the roller coaster was. Everyone got on it (yes, even Petri). While the coaster was running the circuit, it passed through one of the corkscrews too slow, and since it only had a thin bar across riders' laps, and since the manufacturers thought it would be fine for centrifugal force to be the riders' only lifeline, well, who should fall out but the main star of this story, SJ. He fell to the floor, unconscious. Petri was lucky enough to fly out, finally realizing how redundant it would be for a flying animal to ride a roller coaster. He took a long look at the coaster's layout, then darted out one of the emergency exits. _Stupid me, I could just fly in the exact layout of the roller coaster, and it will be the same._

"OOOWWW! SOMEBODY CALL 911! I NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION," SJ was writhing in agony. Sarah looked at him, worried. She went over to the mall nurse. Petri came back.

"I have some exciting news. Oh," Petri said that last word sympathetically when he looked at SJ's broken body.

"I'm sorry, but I cannot help him because I need to know his name," the mall nurse replied. Sarah could not remember his new name. Neither could the rest of the dinosaur clique. Sarah laughed in amusement.

"This reminds me of the story of Rikki Tikki Tavi and his brother named Chang." Sarah said.

"Umm, I think you mean Tikki Tikki Tembo No Sa Rembo Cheri Beri Ruchi Pip Peri Pembo," Spike corrected.

"Dude, I thought you were autistic. Why did StupidSequel give you a line? That's just wrong!" Sarah criticized. Spike zipped his lips shut, but the zipper got stuck. He lay on the floor, writhing in mild pain.

"So I was outside flying the same way as the roller coaster, thus earning a new credit." Petri announced as if he knew that Christ had come back.

"Dude, that doesn't count as a credit." Everyone was ignoring the injured SJ because no one could pronounce his name. Even when the mall closed, the rest of the dinosaur clique left, with SJ left in the mall overnight.

"Scuse me for sounding dumb, but wut's a credit?" Duckie tipped her head to one side. Sarah was gonna be the one to explain this whole story.

"You don't go to Theme Park Review, do you? Well there are endless topics that have flame wars about what defines a credit, flame wars that make WWII seem like mere sibling rivalry. Basically a credit is the first time you ride a roller coaster. These people count them to compare them because apparently it's some sort of competition, I think I read something about it on TvTropes under 'Stop Having Fun Guys.' Or was it 'Serious Business?'"

"Yeah, that's pretty much the gist of it," Petri replied. "I have more credits than you guys, so I win!" They were too busy laughing and playing to remember that Littlefoot was once a part of their group. On the morning news, they learned that the mall had been engulfed in flames due to possible arson.

"Any jerk who is dumb enough to stay in there deserves to die," Duckie laughed. She then remembered SJ.

"Oh no! I hope he didn't die in there. But I don't remember his new name! RRRGH! I wish I was an elephant. They never forget. Wait a second. Elephant. Oh yeah, there was a wooly mammoth in the court room. He's gotta remember Littlefoot's new name since wooly mammoths are elephants." Duckie continued.

So they set out to find where the wooly mammoth lived. And they did. They then got caught in bear traps and couldn't get out. They tried to break free, but the spikes were too strong. They were stuck there for life.

"Hi, what can I do for you?" The wooly mammoth asked them.

"We wanna know what Littlefoot changed his name to. We can't remember it, and I doubt he does either." Sarah pressed.

"It's Squigglejewlok. And I think he needs you right now. Go find him." The wooly mammoth ordered.

Petri chanted SJ's name repeatedly so he wouldn't forget on their way to the burned remains of the mall. When Sarah told him to ssshhh, Petri obeyed. His system failed, he instantly forgot. They went bacl to the wooly mammoth and he told his name again. This time everyone could put up with constant name chanting. When they went in, they were relieved at what they saw. There was a puddle around SJ, and SJ was pretty much unharmed. They deduced that people stayed behind to cry for him, their tears putting out the flames in that part of the mall, leaving SJ unharmed.

"Oh my God! My friends have come at last!" SJ was thrilled to see whatever he saw that I will not specify because you already know. "I'm all better. My mom came to treat me of my injuries. I thought she was dead, but I guess she got better somehow. And get this. My name is no longer Squigglejewlok. She decided I should go with a name that's super easy to remember to prevent another Tikki Tikki Tembo type scenario, so my name is now 'I'. And she suggested we all start going to school so we can eventually major in business to work for BP just to eventually betray them so they will come tumbling down the corporate ladder in a firestar, ahem, firestorm of alternative fuels. You see, my mother is psychic. She wrote part of the book of Revelation." SJ was healthier than me much of the time, which you'd be hard pressed to find someone who is, prolly maybe.

"Your name is 'I'? So that means if I refer to myself, I'm supposed to say something other than I because I is your name?" Sarah mused. I nodded. "I think that's just stupid!" Sarah scoffed.

"How do you know what I think? You can't read my mind! I do not think it's stupid at all!" I screamed before he realized what she meant. "Oh boy, I have a feeling this is gonna get insanely confusing."

On their first day of dino school, they had quite an interesting English lesson. They had to introduce themselves. It was I's turn to speak.

"I is my name-" The teacher cut I off.

"No, no, no! The correct thing to say is 'I AM!'"

"You preach correct grammar, yet you say my name, and then you say 'Am.' Should be 'is.'" I said.

"I didn't say anything, and it should be 'says.'" A dinosaur in the back corrected. "Allow me to introduce myself. You is my name-" The teacher cut him off.

"No, you're supposed to say 'you ARE!'" She corrected. I facepalmed. You gritted his teeth.

"My eye hurts," some female dinosaur complained. I had a crush on her.

"I know," I said. "I like how you called me your 'I' cuz I love you."

"People who refer to themselves in third person are a huge turnoff," she said. You did a fist pump.

"I, me mean, me, sure don't love you." You said threateningly to I.

"So you hate yourself?" I teased.

"That girl I fancies? Turns out You loves her too," You got another student to speak on his behalf so it wouldn't be so confusing. I wished he had thought of that.

"My friend, I, has a crush on this female dinosaur," Petri spoke on I's behalf. The female dinosaur's eyes lit up in excitement, just like Harry's did when Hermione died.

"I wanna go out with you," the female dinosaur said, but she looked like she was talking to I. I's heart sank. So low, in fact, that he had to worry about stepping on it. It was official. I was her girlfriend. You had a look of hatred on his face. Suddenly I had an eye infection.

"May he please go to the nurse's office? He has an eye infection." Petri spoke on I's behalf once more. The teacher looked puzzled.

"He's infected by himself? What, does he have Psoriasis? If so, he really needs some meds." I was getting frustrated quickly. He should never have changed his name to something so easy to make insanely confusing. He stormed out of class and decided to cut school.

_Copyright is stupid! _He wanted to give the President a piece of his mind. He stormed into the Black House and into the president's office. The President was some sort of T-rex.

"You're gonna take away ALL copyright laws or I will kick your ass! I have suffered enough because of this stupid copyright law! I nearly died in a mall fire because my name was too long to remember and now no one will take it seriously that my eye is infected because my name is I and therefore they think I have Psoriasis," I ran out of breath.

"Sorry, but the copyright laws will NEVER go away, EVER!"

"Well, all hope is lost," I said.

When he walked back to the school, he found that everyone was eyeless.

"We removed our eyes to make things less confusing since your name will be unchanged till the end of time. Your mom said if you ever changed your name to something other than I, she would feed you to the T-rex." Sarah told him everything. I removed his eyes and everyone had the super senses that come with being blind. In fact, there came a point where they might as well not be blind at all.


End file.
